Sweet Potatoes & Slivovice

Yes, I forced my holiday on the locals. Do I regret it, I regret nothing but my liver sure does.

So about a month ago Tyna asked me if we were going to celebrate Thanksgiving. She asked in a tone that was more of "Are we actually going to do this?" and I offhandedly said, "Yeah why not". Not thinking anything of it I continued my day thinking that a nice small meal between maybe Tyna, her parents and myself was in order.

So Thanksgiving is about 2 weeks out and Tyna walks up and says "Everyone is so excited for Thanksgiving!!!!!"..... Wait, what.......  Turns out if you don't already know this... Czech families are thicker than the hair on a dog's back. When one of them knows something, you can expect within 24 hours the entire family knows. They also get together all the time. If there is a reason for the family to be together, they are. So when Americans think of Thanksgiving: long-lost relatives we only see once a year coming to town with weird cousins and awkward uncle in tow.......they do this every weekend like clockwork.

Hams about ready to go in the oven

So I'm still trying to figure out what Tyna just told me when she follows up with the number of people coming to Thanksgiving....... 15..... OK..... whew....... Looks like I'm going to have to cook something after all. After I express my hesitation towards this number of people Tyna says her uncle has already allowed us to use his cottage as a place to meet and eat. Wow....... this is going to actually happen. So I scramble to think of ideas what to cook, I rack my brain remembering what my dad and uncle used to prepare that was definitely a traditional American Thanksgiving food. I don't know why..... and after serving this I immediately regretted it..... I settled on sweet potato casserole and homemade honey ham.

So in the Czech republic thanksgiving is not a national holiday, so we had to wait until the weekend to celebrate. So on Friday we took the train out to Chvaletice and brought with us things that we figured we wouldn't be able to find in the small town. Specifically sweet potatoes and a few other things. We arrive at Tynas parents house and we are getting things ready and out comes the ham...... OK..... in the USA hams are usually about 2 1/2 lbs..... the HAMS they pulled out of the freezer were huge, at least 13 lbs and there were 2 of them, one smaller than the other but still.... huge monster hams.I was shocked, I wondered where the other half of the pig had run off to. I quickly look up how to cook large slabs of pork, all good we still have time.

Scoring the hams

Saturday rolls around and we prepare the hams by scoring them and seasoning them with whole cloves. We get them in the oven and start to slow cook them, Tynas mom had acquired local honey and sugar so we slowly started to baste them every 10 min with this.

We wrapped the smaller ham in bacon

This is about the time I start making the sweet potato casserole.... Now, I had not found any marshmallows in the stores in Prague so I asked Tyna and she had assured me that her grandma was going to the store and they had seen them there before. I let a sigh of relief out and begin to prepare the potatoes..... This is about the time her mom started to give me "What the hell are you making!!" face. (This face is easily communicated by mothers worldwide... no language needed).....

Dicing the sweet potatoes 

I finished getting the mashed sweet potatoes into the pan when the marshmallows show up. Haribo sweet marshmallows. Now, these are closer to candy than marshmallows in the USA. So I taste a few of them, Ugh.... well.... they kinda taste what I'm used to.... Whatever.... Being honest for a moment .......I don't really like this dish anyway.... I made it because when I thought of traditional American Thanksgiving food it immediately brought me to either A. Turkey B. Sweet potato casserole or C. grilled asparagus. Now for those of you that don't know, I am allergic to all poultry. Yes, it sucks. Yes, I eat other meats. Yes, I have tried KFC and no it was not a good time. So that rules out a turkey and since I hate asparagus it was only logical to run with this.

The marshmallows I had to work with 

Since I had already committed this far I said to hell with it and put the sweet marshmallows on it and put them in the oven for 10 min. They baked like normal marshmallows and the dish looked like what its supposed to even though it was a little bit more........ festive in color....

So.... Festive

Night begins to fall and the weather is getting colder and colder. we arrive at Tynas uncles cottage and he has set up the perfect enclosed fireplace/ heated area around a large table. On one side is stacked firewood and on the other side is an assortment of objects old and new that Tyna's uncle and aunt must have found in their adventures. It is the most rustic thanksgiving Atmosphere I have ever been to.

Best honey ham ever

Let the feast begin, we reheat all the food we had prepared earlier over an open fire. Grandmas and grandpas are here, aunts and uncles begin to trickle in. It's going to be a feast! We start off with The honey ham and some regular mashed potatoes, crowd favorite..... at least I have cooked something edible. A few Shots go up. (Note: If you have not been to a Czech Family gathering... They drink alcohol like its water).... Then out comes my culinary masterpiece.... Apparently, everyone is very curious about how this concoction tastes.

Go big or go home

Plates go out.....

Everyone is served....

People start eating....

The noise that could be heard from the crowd was one of disgust and hate. Her uncle throws up his hands... grandmas just looking at me with wide eyes "What the hell did I just eat!!!".  It was as if I kicked someone's dog.... an uncomfortable silence envelops the group.... Tyna's dad who was on the outside of the group speaks up, apparently, he likes it ( he will be the only one).  Then the floodgates open, I have no idea what was said (lots of heated talking)... But I assume they were not impressed by my cooking. Everyone begins laughing as its soo bad they cannot do anything but laugh, I try mine.... Yep....... it's as bad as I remember it being.

Really had the authentic thanksgiving feel 

We knock back a few more bottles of unknown clear liquid, a bottle of rum, some hot wine, an outrageous amount of Slivovice, and a couple shots of whiskey.... It's around this time that everyone forgets how bad my cooking was.

Her grandfather makes a type of cheese with onions, fennel seeds, and a slew of spices. I'm told its called Hermalín, It is very good with crackers and bread but has a real kick to it (very spicy). He also prepared a dish called vepřové ražniči....It's like a slow-cooked pork dish over open flame....... swear to god it was some of the best pork I have ever had.

Tyna's aunt found a recipe for pumpkin pie online and made, for the first time, she made the best darn pumpkin pie I have had in a long time. Probably the best since my grandma made it when I was a kid. I am not proud of this but in less than 24 hours I had devoured the entire thing

Tyna's Grandma (I would willingly let this woman live in our house... She is the BEST DAMN PASTRY COOK EVER and the nicest grandma you could ask for) She made an apple pie, she also found the recipe online and holy godzillas it was incredible. I am also not proud that this was gone by the time I left the table.

One of the only shots with the homemade Apple Pie in it

Moral of the story is: Don't bring Sweet potato casserole to anything....


Seriously, no one likes that shit.

So this is the end result of a successful Thanksgiving